Sunday, 2 October 2011

What Takes us Forward?

I'm a terrible hobbyist, always jumping from one thing to the next, never quite able to sit still (which is one reason I haven't written anything here for over a week). Yes, it's good in a way as it means I'm never bored (well, not often), but, at the same time, I rarely finish things! Yet there is definitely one constant...

I've always been like that. I just love doing creative things, things with colour, whether it be specifically drawing or painting, playing or writing music, or writing poems or stories. You see, I don't see colours only in their physical, visible form, but I also hear colours in music and see colours in words. And also in people.

Some days, on my depressive days, I am only able to see grey drabness. But even then, within all those layers of grey, there's usually a glint of colour somewhere, something that can give me hope and help me make it through. On my exceptionally good days, there are colours everywhere, overwhelming me, my body absorbing them like water or light, just letting it all flow through me. It's like I have little need for food or water and could just live off of the colours themselves.

I have actually written before about how I am inspired by people, how I see the colours within them. Well, this also goes for places or objects too, or music. Oh dear, there are some tunes I just end up addicted to, that I can't stop playing. After I've learnt a new tune that is oh so beautiful, I do sometimes end up loving it to death, playing it until I hurt. The colours are even more intense as I create them. Or there's a song I'll listen to on my computer and I just have to play it over and over, just to keep that feeling alive. The places I can visit when I'm there, within those colours, within that frame of mind... For me, there is absolutely nothing else like it.

As for places... Sometimes some places have been so taken over by people, so destroyed in the need for building building and rebuilding, that all the emotion and beauty that was once there has been totally stripped. Buildings aren't often made with love anymore, so it leaves the places so empty, so void of life. Yet there are other places I can go and feel more alive than anything else. A beautiful lake or river, a relaxing place amongst trees, greenery, nature all around me, the life and colours bringing me to a peaceful place where I could dream the day away.

For me, the one constant thing that has kept me alive through so many terrible things that I've seen has been this colour, the things that bring me hope, the things that make me feel alive more than anything else. So many times it has been people, just giving me that little spark of confidence and push in the right direction, so I can form my own colour palette once more, designing my own space to keep me safe.

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